About Me

The Short Version
I started this blog in the midst of my own life transition. I got married, shifted countries (India to the United States) and found myself in the middle of a career change, all at the same time. I am both an introvert and an HSP, and so, when I write about transitions and life, it's from that specific perspective. But since we are more than just the sum of our parts, I hope that this blog will be useful to anyone who is going through their own life transition. 

Ritu Kaushal 

Gloria Steinem: Women are the only group that grows more radical with age. 

The Long Version
I grew up in India and spent my first 31 years there. I married very late - at least by Indian standards - and shifted to California, where I have been living for around 2 years. As I’ve grown older, I have found myself questioning my place in the world more and more. I believe in equality and at the same time, like a lot of women, have been a big people pleaser. These two parts of me have been at war (and are still at war) whenever I have to choose between complying with the norm and being true to myself. 

One of my earliest memories of this struggle is an incident that happened when I was a girl of ten or eleven. I remember going to the temple with some relatives in a small town in India. One of the women had her periods and told the others that she would stay outside the temple as per tradition. I remember feeling deeply disturbed. At the same time, I had this intense longing to belong, to be a part of this group of grown-up women. I also had my periods then. 

What I did was just keep quiet and go inside the temple. I felt like a rebel and at the same time, I felt like I had done something wrong. I had flouted something that everyone believed. How could I be sure I was right? But I also felt the deep unfairness of it, the implication that there was something inherently unclean about me - in my small little life then, I had already seen and felt enough things to deepen a sense of injustice. Even then, for days afterwards, I debated inside my head – if I knew I was right, why did I keep quiet? I was weak. I should have gone inside the temple openly, not hidden the fact. And then a nagging doubt, could I be wrong? 

I feel compassion for that little girl of all those years ago. She wanted to be a good girl who would be loved and accepted. I still carry that little girl inside me. Along with her though, there is the woman who understands now that that little girl was being true to herself even in the face of cultural conditioning. Today, I am in the heart of Silicon Valley, and even here, I see Indian women around me who don’t go to the temple “at that time of the month.” Although I can imagine why they might feel that way – conditioning is a powerful force – I wonder how they can’t feel even a little bad about this. Why is it so easy for us to accept something that denigrates us? 

   

In this blog, I talk about things I don't normally talk about and sift through beliefs that hold me back from living a more on-purpose life. In the process of doing this, I want to reach out to people who might be thinking and feeling the same things, but who haven't said them out loud yet.  

You will find that this blog talks about what it means to be a woman in America as well as what it means to be an Indian woman here. It also talks about what it means to be an introvert and HSP in today's world, and also specifically, in America. In the end, this blog is about finding greater meaning and happiness. 
   
I hope that you find this blog helpful in your own search for greater integration. Welcome !